Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Worst, Better, Best or Just Me?

I got to thinking about my talents today. I've always struggled to define 'what I'm good at' because I feel as if my experiences have been immeasurable. As a kid, knocky kneed and fragile, I was never apt when it came to sports, and although bright in school, my intelligence it seems went out the window when I got university. I enjoyed art class, but never seemed to be the most talented painter. Holding high school positions in student government, I was probably not the best for the job and I did not make the most monumental of changes. In all of the nevers and nots, I have always found it difficult to pinpoint the goods and greats. To hold value, does talent need to be measurable - measurable in number of goals, or masterpieces created? 

As a child, I would have liked for my family to be wowed by my speed on the race track, or amount of books I had read over the summer and, because I felt that my life was quite ordinary, I became lost in my seeming lack of accomplishment watching as my cousins and friends were rewarded for their talent and popularity. I was recognized, and I feel that I remain so to this day, for my beauty, ingenuity, and self- awareness (apparently). Which is all pretty lovely except I'm stuck here unknowing of that which differentiates me from the next person. 
Is being a 'good person' enough?

In a world that is so ruled by calculations, pre-requisites, and material judgement, it is hard not to fall into a rut. What I will do with my life is determined by my talents, that in which I excel above all others and I find this disheartening. I will learn of the things that I am 'good at' by experiencing those that I am 'not good at.' Similarly, in the mistakes that I must allow myself to make, I will pull through, thus learning how to survive. And that is exactly what it is about; our talents become our strongest tool in survival. There should not be a focus on the calculation of them - that makes them such shoddy little comparisons doesn't it? No, our talents are much more complex than that.  There should be a strong awareness of the development of talents, the process in which they grow, perpetually changing based on our experiences, reactions, environment, and the people around us. I think that talent is not innate, but something that one  must develop on their own.

I'm not quite sure what my current talents actually are; it's not so easy to say I'm good at this and great at that and to remain as humble as I might wish. Not to mention, I've already outlined that I really just don't know what they are, clearly.  However, the process of discovery is something that I have learned to look forward to.


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